I feel so disgusting at the moment. So badly disgraced and debased. And guess by whom? No one but 'HIM' , yes guys, its no other than O ; I don't understand what gets into him at times (most of the times). He's a sweetheart but there's a completely different and obnoxious man inside him who often gets over and rips my soul apart.
Sometimes I wonder no matter how much I take care of him, no matter how much I ignore his rude/ degrading comments, he would never understand I do it just cause I've so much love for him and that he should at least be polite with me rather than throwing those sarcastic comments in a very strident tone. Or God has created every men on the face of this planet with no heart to understand? Do all of them take women for granted?
.. I am completely out of words. I know this post is going nowhere but its the only place who listens to me, bears up with all my mood swings. He would never listen to me, jab k he knows how much excited I'am to tell him about my day, about how different I felt about him today, he would just give me 'Baby, neend arahi hay'.
Let me pen down our conversation which has just ended;
Me: Baby, you know what? I wanted to tell you this thing for so long but since you were busy with work I had been waiting for the right time.
Him : Hm?
Me: I took out astagkhara ( A sacred thing, Muslims believe its one way to ask Allah what's better for us or what way to choose) for our relationship and guess what? Its a YESSS!
Him : I don't believe in it.
..another long discussion went on.
Me: Thats okay if you don't believe it. I do. Yeaay, I'm so happy.
HIm : mm..
Me: say something naaa!
HIm : neend arahi hay. Goodnight.
..and we hang up!
No place for my excitements, my laughters. I feel like a looser. Hurt badly, turned down once again. But its okay, I am still happy for I have him by my side.