I don't want to cry..

So, i guess today isn't a good day. I'm kinda lost in the darkness of nothingness, numb perhaps. And seriously, I loathe such moments, they bring nothing but tears, agony and discomfort. Sigh-

I pondered over his questions last night, Why do I choose to stay by his side even when he doesn't promise me any commitment, when he tells me to quit on and off because we can never be sure of our future, why do I choose to continue every time, ignoring all his bad qualities and the pains he inflicts me?! Why do I only consider him 'the one' ? Why do I always look at the brighter side of the picture?

I couldn't come up with any logical explanation but one thing that answers all of the above queries; Love . I have so much love for him which is enough to ignore all the pessimism in life, no matter if I get an equal amount of love or less, I am going to hold him in esteem, forever. I have considered him to be the fragrance of my life which I cherish every second of my existence. All the days I have spent with him are indeed the most magnificent ones. You know O, I value every word that comes out of your mouth, how you sing for me late at nights, how you call my name, it feels so different in your mouth, how you let me cuddle into your arms.. and a million things I could pen down here which makes me fall for you deeper every day.

Never I can feel the same for another man, I know that now. I couldn't fall in love again, I hate to picture my life without you. I cannot make peace with the fact that there's a slightest possibility I could lose you. I know that it doesn't bother you much and you think life goes on but I think its going to take a lifetime for me to move on if god forbids, we don't end up together. Dear Lord, why can't I craft my life according to my desires?

O, I would never be able to explain what I hold for you, your love has transformed me into a much better woman. I have molded my perceptions, priorities, my thoughts and decisions to fit in with your needs, cause in the end, its your smile that makes my life complete. I believe in magic, miracles, happy endings and beautiful stories, at least I'm going to strive for my story, I don't want it to end tragically, NEVER! But, I cannot do it all by myself, I need your support, your assurance, I need to know you're there with me, to fight back all the hurdles.

No, I’m not going to lose feelings. No, I’m not going to find someone better. No, I’m not going to cheat on you. And no, I’m not going to leave you. I’ve already made up my mind, I want you and only you. No one else.. Because to me, you’re my kind of perfect. The slightest idea of losing you, even for a few moments, brings my heartbeat to a sudden halt. It rips me apart .. brings so much pain and tears all at once. And the sad part is, you never console me with your warmth and love. O, I need your assurance, not that I doubt your love, but I need to know that you need me as much as I do. I want to make life perfect for us, beautifying each and every moment till I breathe my last. But, whenever you tell me to quit, on such petty issues, feels like if I don't matter or that you would choose any other woman over me, it hurts to even imagine somebody else there. O, I don't want to cry .. am tired of crying ..

17 love for me ..:

Meher....all out to explore..!! said...

Awww..that was very touching.
Girl,Its awesome that you actualy feel so much love for this one person.And I do hope that you craft your life according to your needs and desires.
and yes,Love is one word,that fits every emotion.
cheers!!

Nostalgic said...

True, love conquers all :)

Existing somehow said...

:)
O is lucky to have you, and so are you! :)

Just dont leave him EVER, dont do anything that might hurt him, i have lost my love, and its a phase unbearable. Make this love your strongest weapon, and nothing will bring you both apart.

Much love
:)

Nostalgic said...

@ Existing: Oh yes, I feel blessed to have him, and I'm going to hold on to him, till I breathe my last.
Thanks for dropping by :)

Anonymous Someone said...

I guess Love works in that way, its a one way street, because without him, you're incomplete.

Tanvi said...

Oh! Love and it's folly. All I can say is *hugz*

Dipti said...

I just hope O and you end up TOGETHER FOREVER! i really do..

cuz' you love him so much!! and he's definitely so lucky to be loved so much by such a beautiful soul and person :) *hugs* don't worry at all, just follow your heart. always, always, always!

Nostalgic said...

@ Anonymous: Absolutely. And one person has to give more just every time..

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@ Tanvi: Thanks, hon. I really need that :)

--

@ Dipti: Aww, thank you, babe. You know I love you for always being there <3 *hugs*

Splurgerina said...

Ah..only love has the power to make you soo happy one minute and miserable the next! Hope he realizes how lucky he is to have someone who loves him this much..people spend their entire life searching for a person like that!!

Zee said...

awww...that was pretty sad..*hugs* i can imagine how u feel when u want the assurance that you dont get...but im sure he loves you alot, and he has his reasons for not giving u that assurance...maybe he wants to prepare you for the worst so you don't breakdown or fall apart if that happens..

anyway..i wish u all the best..and you have one beautiful heart...and i don't know but the way u love him, i can relate to it, its how i love my man:P hehe...

Dipti said...

anytime love

np : everythin i do , i do it for you. On your playlist,

apt for this post

Nostalgic said...

@ Splurgerina: I hope he does :) ..

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@ Zee: Good to see your comment after a decade =p missed you, babe. And yeah, I think you're right, he wants to prepare me for the worst, but still I don't feel good about it. Sigh-

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@ Dipti: Completely :) .. *hugs*

Shantanu said...

Dost. I shall prey for for u both. May u got all his love and u be together. It was so touching reading this. how do u handle this yar.?
"hugs"

Nostalgic said...

@ Shan: When you're in love, you have to be patient enough to bear all the pains :) in the end, its only your love that keeps you contented.

pH_the princess said...

the feelings you hold for some one are sometimes so intense , words can never really define their depth !
Be patient and don't get upset ! your love is true :)
and check it listen to this as long as you love me by backstreet boys and words by boyzone make him hear these both he'll get all answers to above questions !

Nostalgic said...

Thankyou, princess <3
and yeah, I'll surely listen to it :)

Arcman said...

what an EMO post...=P

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I believe that it's the ordinary that is so distinguished. I am only an amateur who sees the mundane with a twist. Goes around putting titles on self-perceived moments as life goes on by...