I want to be his Strength ..

He smiled. And I could discern the pain written all across that smile. A fake smile. Just like the fake facets he had been made to live with, for the length of his life – an entirely undeserved sentence. I wanted to extend my hand, touch him and let him know it was real. I wished to enter into that aura of containment that hid him from the whole world, me included. But the frailty of that curtain thwarted all my attempts. Every step I took forward had to be receded on the fear of ending up wrong. The distrust in his eyes never turned into the slightest shimmer of hope. And I stood, all the while, at a distance drawn between us.

I’d see the scandalous eyes that lingered upon him and satiated their dirty expectations in his sickness. Their smiles depended upon his ghastly pallor and every second of every minute I stood there, it cut me down to my very core. Pain – an unnamed, unwanted pain that surmounted every time I faced him. And he always kept looking down, in his own lonely being.

But I could take it no longer. I could no longer stand the life that sobbed in him – helpless and struggling for the slightest thing to cling to. And I simply reached out and held out my hand. ‘It’s your life and you always have to take a chance’ I told him. His empty eyes bore into mine for many long ages, doubting, thinking, perhaps calculating. I offered no affirmation for words never could mean one. And then he held it, in his cold grasp. For a moment, I shuddered at the touch. A cold pulse shivered through me. And then I held it firmly in my grasp, with a smile. ‘Let’s go’ I told him, even when his eyes betrayed a shocked disbelief. And he quietly consented..

18 love for me ..:

ph_the princess said...

Lovely it is ...
You are his strength and weakness both you know :)

Dandelion said...

is dat the right decision though? taking him along?
i mean, he cn never trust...dats been plainly clear all along...its not him but you, who'd be takin a risk here..
love d blog....:)

Nostalgic said...

@ Princess: I think I'd never want to be his weakness, just his strength :)

--

@ Dandelion: He couldn't trust for some strongs reasons he had been facing till I came into his life, he never got anybody to confide in. But yeah, that's a risk I'm taking. I believe I can make it better for him, for us.

Thanks for dropping by :)

Ria said...

Wow loved it from the core of my heart hun!! :)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

What took you so long?

Its been a while that I had read such a umm post filled with happiness and hope on your page.

Way to go!

Crazy Diamond said...

:) *hug* stay the same.. as strong as you are. i love that about you

Ubaid said...

deep :)

Sidra Chaudhry said...

The hardest thing to do is to gather your teeny meeny strength and dedicate it all to someone else without even keeping a small crumb of it for yourself...may God be your guide *hugs*

Divaa Divine said...

ahhhhh!!! too deep and i drowned within

Sidrah said...

=]
hope it works out for u! awesome words btw <3

Scribbling Girl said...

wow this was so beautifully written ....Ur expressions have grown so much ...loved them :)

P.S. me finally back....thanks so much for ur wishes and blessings love ...meant a lot :)

Nostalgic said...

@ Ria: Ty babe :)

--

@ Blasphemous: Yeah, I was busy searching for the door to happiness :) here I am with my hopes still intact!

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@ Crazy: Muahness. Your support is my strength!

--

@ Ubaid: Thank you :)

Nostalgic said...

@ Sidra Ch: I know, hardest yet most satisfying.

--

@ Divaa: Liked it? That matters :)

--

@ Sidra: Thanks hun.

--

@ Scribbling Girl: Ty, babes :) your opinion matters. And welcome back hun, i missed you!

Me-Era* said...

Nice one! :)

my innerfeeling said...

beautifully writtennn
deeply wriitten

Impossible said...

i want to be his strength
but he became my weakness,
i want to be his life
but he became my words
anummunaf.wordpress.com

MangoMan said...

Nicely written, gradually taking the reader along like Hurt Locker or Glen Garry Glen Ross.

Loved reading it. Nice place to drop by!

Bloody Mary said...

Always keep this strong :)

Behind the curtain..

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I believe that it's the ordinary that is so distinguished. I am only an amateur who sees the mundane with a twist. Goes around putting titles on self-perceived moments as life goes on by...
 

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I believe that it's the ordinary that is so distinguished. I am only an amateur who sees the mundane with a twist. Goes around putting titles on self-perceived moments as life goes on by...