It's okay to not be okay..

 I think at some point you need to stop and sit down with yourself - your emotions, your guilt, your vices, your mess, your choices. You have to forgive yourself for all the running. Taking flight is in our instinct, we are built that way. Whenever we can't process something, we take off. We vehemently deny. We create spaces in our minds to compartmentalize. We bury ourselves in work. We drown out the noise by mindlessly scrolling. We use tv, music, people, and hobbies as background noises. It's okay, you're scared but you're straining yourself under the weight of all that you're carrying. You need to let this weight go, even if it means letting down one ounce per day. You're fighting a battle where you're already defeated. You're desperately trying to keep this all together. 

I know people keep saying that you'll get over it someday. I know you don't believe them. It's possible, and sometimes even easy to get over mistakes, people, failures, and heartbreaks - but what about the pain that stops your life, pain where you had no role to play? Pain that was caused by things beyond your reach, control or grasp. How do you make sense of it all - do you take God to court? Do you sue life? Maybe there are no answers. No explanations. No plans. It just is & maybe it's not okay and you can live with knowing it's not okay.