To Love You ..

It feels bittersweet to love you, as though time has already run its ruinous path and everything good is over before it begins..

It feels perilous to love you, like a dust storm swallowing up the sky or a comet skimming the stratosphere.

But it is an honor to love you. Like the snow drifts giving way to spring, I will hold you for as long as I can.

I am sorry to love you beyond sanity.

Yes you!

You didn't love her. You just needed her to make you feel good. To satisfy your lonely miserable life, only because you knew she would accept your every mistake and flaw. It wasn't love from you, you just felt the relief knowing she would pick up after the pain you put her through. You knew she wouldn't complain, even if you dragged her in mud. Because you knew she loved you too deep to let you go of you. It wasn't love and you were just the devil.

The failure of prayer ..

I tried to tell you how much you mean to me.

How every part of you is made of the dark side of light.

How seconds hit like glass hammers.

How every millimeter of your skin softly sings a song only it knows.

I tried to tell you how much you mean to me.

How a billion black oceans float between the things you say.

How shadows chase shadows.

How low the birds fly when I blink.  

I tried to tell you how much you mean to me.

How this house becomes church light in autumn.

How we can be, and be, and be, and be again.

How a porcelain heart can beat so hard it breaks itself.

I tried to tell you how much you mean to me.

But all that came out was poetry.

Enigma..

You say I have stopped writing to you .. but I am barely breathing between the stammering of my unwanted words. I know you feel me and I need to hear you; its all so complicated with all these stars in the sky... 

They are like a small reminder that I am alive. I can connect the dots to make an illusion that life will find its way; find its way to you.. and I believe it can't get better than this. I have been spending so much of time thinking about the things that don't come out right. 

I trip on words; stammer from one word to another; maybe you will understand.. maybe you won't.

Maybe you will say I have stopped writing to you..