Just a wish!

Sometimes I wish you were small,

So that it would be easier for my hands,

My lips,

To scour over every inch of you

But I don’t mind if my body goes limp 

I will never get tired of touching you.

I know your head is floating off your shoulders and that

Your heart is so heavy that you are sinking beneath the floorboards.

It is okay to feel blank,

It is okay to feel anything you need to feel,

And even though I am a poet, not a painter,

I will try so hard to turn

A blank you into something beautiful

(Just in case you didn’t know,

You are already something so beautiful.)

We didn’t get to choose who,

Or how,

Or when,

Or why,

But you know what?

I don’t care about the technicals,

About the conventional,

And I know you don’t either.

I’m here for the sunshine, love

And oh god do you shine so bright.

But I am also here for the storms,

For the rain,

For every tear drop that streaks your cheek’s windowpane.

No matter how much

It hurts me to see you hurt,

I will take my hands,

My shaking hands,

Wipe every single one of them away.

"My heart’s not the strongest,

But it is all yours”

She says into the empty space of her room.

I want to make my way inside your chest,

Let your heart rest I will pump all your blood for you,

I will prop you up on my shoulders

I will be your human crutch,

I will walk you across the Atlantic until the saltwater fills my lungs

Or my own two legs give up

Because peach,

Loving you is not a matter of wading in the shallow end,

Headfirst I will dive right in.

This is not a question of how long I can float,

This is sink or swim.

This is me!

Let me introduce myself.
Despite our pleasant conversations where you told me I seemed “sweet”
it seems you’ve casually forgotten my existence.
I blame myself for that.
I was the one who laid down on the ground
waiting for you both to walk all over me.
Crush my ribs,
my windpipe,
my heart,
because I thought that’s what being in love meant.
I wonder if you thought of me,
as you crawled inside each other.
Frantic fucking because I know you’ve wanted him for longer than you’re willing to admit.
And I know,
I know more than anyone that he is easy to want more than you want to breathe.
Easy to lay down and die for because his presence feels like resuscitation and breathing his air feels like
reaching Heaven.
But did you think of me?
Could you taste me on his tongue?
Could you feel the grooves in the nape of his neck that my teeth left?
Could you smell fading notes of my perfume still clinging to his pores?
Could you hear the whispered proclamations I left in his ears just three days before
“I love you”
“I’ll miss you”
“I’ll see you soon”
The scent of vanilla hanging in the air wasn’t just fucking ambiance,
it was a piece of me I left behind.
Like deep brown hair on his pillow case,
looping around like a noose,
like the one you quietly wrapped around my neck
hidden under a façade of kindness.
They keep telling me I’m not supposed to be mad at you.
That he could’ve convinced you we weren't together.
But you and I both know,
you heard the air leave my lungs
as you crushed them under your heel.