Desire of more ..

The word more has a life of its own. It just keeps on going and going and going. We get born, we play with shapes and learn the alphabet, we attend nursery school, high school, college, university, marriage and then a happily after life. At least thats the "norm" of it all. So is the case with more. We start fresh. We think of something and want it as a desire of human nature. By hook or by crook we achieve it. We want more. It just keeps feeding on human need for that "extra" thing, that extra amount of French fries, that extra time that we can get on our exams, that extra amount money for leisure spending and that extra amount time to lounge around infront of a tv watching your favorite show eating pop corn with tang with a speical someone. We will always want more. We will always need more. We will always desire more..
Just a random thought.

The Seasons Of Love ..

To keep the magic of love alive we must be flexible and adapt to the ongoing changing seasons of love. A relationship is like a garden. If it is to thrive it must be watered regularly. Special care must be given, taking into account the season as well as any unpredictable weather. New seeds must be sown and weeds must be pulled. Similarly, to keep the magic of love alive, we must understand its seasons and nurture love's special needs.

The Springtime Of Love-

Falling in love is like springtime. We feel as though we will be happy forever. We cannot imagine not loving our partner. It is a time of innocence. Love seems eternal. It is magical time when everything seems perfect and works effortlessly. Our partner seems to be the perfect fit. We effortlessly dance together in harmony and rejoice in our good fortune.

The Summer Of Love-

Throughout the summer of our love we realize our partner is not as perfect as we thought, and we have to work on our relationship. Not only is our partner from another planet, but he or she is also a human who makes mistakes and is flawed in certain ways.

Frustration and disappointment arise; weeds need to be uprooted and plants need extra watering under the hot sun. It is no longer easy to give love and get the love we need. We discover that we are not always happy, and we do not always feel loving. It is not our picture of love.

Many couples at this point disillusioned. They do not want to work on a relationship. They unrealistically expect it to be spring all the time. They blame their partners and give up. They do not realize that love is not always easy; sometimes it requires hard work under a hot sun. In the summer season of love, we need to nurture our partner's needs as well as ask for and get the love we need. It doesn't happen automatically.

The Autumn Of Love-

As a result of tending the garden during summer, we get to harvest the results of hard work. Fall has come. It is a golden time- rich and fulfilling. We experience a more mature love that accepts and understands our partner's imperfections as well as our own. It is a time of thanksgiving and sharing. Having worked hard during summer we can relax and enjoy the love we have created.

The Winter Of Love-

Then the weather changes again, and winter comes. During the cold, barren months of winter, all of nature pulls back within itself. It is a time of rest, reflection, and renewal. This is a time in relationships when we experience our own unresolved pain or our shadow self. It is when our lid comes off and our painful feelings emerge. It is a time of solitary growth when we need to look more to ourselves than to our partners for love and fulfillment. It is a time of healing. This is the time when men hibernate in their caves and women sink to the bottom of their wells.

After loving and healing ourselves through the dark winter of love, then spring inevitable returns. Once again we are blessed with the feelings of hope, love and an abundance of possibilities. Based on the inner healing and soul searching of our wintery journey, we are then able to open our hearts and feel the springtime of love again :) 

WW- Change ..

When we are no longer able
to change a situation,
we are challenged 
to change ourselves.

- Victor Frankl

Love - An Eternal Bliss.

Here, after a long time, I'm going to write on love, again, with a new perspective :) I know what love is, I really do. I just don’t know how to express that with words. They don’t seem to be enough. They seem to be shallow and too small to define it. Mere words cannot describe the beauty of love. Let me give it another try;

Love is finding peace, solace and comfort in someone’s arms.

I can tell you that love is a great feeling of belonging to someone’s world.
That it is an eternal spring in your soul.
That it is a permanent smile in your heart.

I can tell you that love is life.

Life with someone and for someone. When nothing else matters and yet everything does.

It is being happy. Not for yourself. But being happy for the other person.

For someone that special that when they look at you they touch your soul.
When they smile at you they speak to your heart.
When they kiss you, the world stands still.

Love is when you prefer to be together through hard times rather than having it easy separately.

It is fighting for what you think is right for the both of you. It is holding on and hanging in each time things go wrong. It is supporting each other in the smallest of actions. It is standing by when the whole world turns its back to you. It is being there even if they didn’t ask you. It is knowing that they would do the same.

Love is power. Power of feelings, emotions, faith, beliefs, understanding.

It is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to. And they will not. And no matter what happens between you, no matter how badly you fight or what mistakes you make, you will love that one person without regret for the rest of your life.

Love is missing someone so badly that it aches. It aches every day, every hour, every minute, and only when you are with them does the pain go away.

Love is finding someone so completely perfect for you. Someone who makes you happier than you ever dreamed to be. Someone who  touches your life so profoundly and gives you a whole new reason to breathe.

The reason to wake up in the mornings. The reason to live.

And this person will make you happy when you are sad, will understand your imperfections and see through them perfectly, will wait patiently just to hear your voice before they go to bed every night…This person will believe in you and your purpose,  and they will be there with you no matter what, no matter when, no matter why… they will be there for you… always and forever.

Love doesn't always come easy. It is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and not letting go. Even if at times it is really hard. Love is work, love is responsibility. Love is care. The care you give and the care you get. It is sharing. Feelings. Emotions. Thoughts. The Past and the Future. The Present.

Love is also understanding. Understanding that fairy tales don’t  just happen. You work for your own fairytale. And you work hard. Every day. Every single hour. Each moment of your life. You adjust, you care, you compromise, you create your own fairytale. You do it together.

Love does not just happen. You find love, and you work hard to make it a beautiful bond of two loving hearts. And if you both work for it, you might be able to create your own fairytale. For a lifetime.

“And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make…”

Urge to Scribe ..

Its been a while since I have updated my blog. Studies have surely taken over blogging. Too much in my mind, so many things to share with my awesome people. I am going to come back as a regular writer soon.

For now, i need your prayers. Exams are going on and I suck at economics :( ..

And btw, a good news on the way :D taadaaa *surprise* !!

Love xoxo ..
Urooj!

Behind the mask ..

And, after all, what is a lie? 'Tis but the truth in a masquerade.

WW -Sunshine, Peace, Love ..

I wish you sunshine on your path 

and storms to season your journey.

I wish you peace in the world 
in which you live...



More I cannot wish you
except perhaps love 
to make all the rest worthwhile.

- Robert A. Ward

L.O.V.E - again?

Love - should i give it another chance? 

He was always there, but i was too busy to notice him. H, my best friend. But, again, I am scared, i am reluctant .. Confused and puzzled.

And its not just about a relationship now but an official commitment. Yes, an engagement. May be it would help me getting over O completely .. may be, i am already over him. I just don't know.. NUMB STATE.

Grace Under Pressure ..

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said in a speech: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” So true. What we are as human beings present itself more fully in times of adversity than at times of ease. Anyone can be positive, polite, and kind when things are going well. What distinguishes people with an extraordinary character from the rest of us is how they respond when life sends one of its inevitable curves. They don’t crumble or surrender. They reach deeply into themselves and present even more of their highest nature to the world.

Few months back, I was on the runway, ready to fly home from Paris. The flight had been delayed by a few hours so it felt good to be so close to takeoff. I had my iPod in place, a new book and my journal. Then, the pilot’s voice came over the public address system: “The ground crew has found a metal instrument in one of the tires. We regret that we must cancel this flight.” The reactions that statement provoked were fascinating.

One man close to me became belligerent to a flight attendant. A couple in another row grumbled loudly. A businessman in a dark suit actually kicked the seat in front of him. Yet some passengers responded differently, with a quiet humanity. An elderly gentleman smiled as he helped others take their bags down from the overhead compartments. A teenager, rather than trying to rush off the plane like most of the other passengers, stopped to help a woman with a disability. The lady sitting next to me laughed and said, “Hey, it’s not the end of the world.” Before calling her kids and sharing her adventure with them. The wisest among us have a remarkable ability to maintain grounded when times get tough.

No life is perfect; mine certainly isn’t. After O walked out, I thought as if it’s the end of life but eventually I realized that I must move on. And indeed, it was a sane decision. We all must face challenges, both large and small. This very minute, somewhere in the world, there are parents dealing with the death of a child. This very minute, there are marriages getting dissolved. This very minute, someone has suffered an accident that will devastate their loved ones. This very minute, there are human beings dealing with illness in a hospital bed. Sickness, loss, disappointments. No one gets through life without experiencing this stuff. But certainly, you and I have the power to choose to be strong and positive when things fall apart. We have the right to use our stumbling blocks as stepping stones to our greatest life. This isn’t motivational sloganeering. I believe this is truth, yes?

Grace under pressure. That’s what separates leaders from followers. It’s that beautiful quality that inspires others and reflects a well-developed spirit, It’s a trait that allows you to carve out a spectacular life- one you’ll be proud of at the end.

And here, I think I am being somewhat like a Guru :p enough with the wisdom post for today. Only if it could help you guys ..

Cheers.
Urooj.

I shall write :)

You people are right, quitting writing wouldn’t help. But writing would help me get over my past which was a bad experience. Its only now I can move on ..

So yes, I’m back to blogging and I’m going to continue on My Incomplete Chronicles only. I believe, past should be a lesson and that I should have the courage to accept it and move on rather than walking away.

I'll be back guys. And i love you all for the support :)

I just miss you ..

I'm lost at words. I don't know what to write, maybe i have forgotten how to join the words. I just have you on my mind, O. I miss you, a lot. Just everything about you - about Us. I am unable to hate you ..

I know you are reading this and that you miss me, too. I just have one question, WHY?

..thought i'm strong enough to let it go, i am trying.

I made this blog for you, for our journey throughout. And since, it has ended here, i am really not sure if i'm going to continue writing this blog. For now, I declare 'My Incomplete Chronicles' closed. For my chronicles couldn't meet up an end :)

..I will miss you all. Maybe i'll come back, someday. Maybe, NOT!
But, i'll for sure keep reading you all :)

-Urooj.

Final Goodbye - From O.

U,

I had thought I would have sufficient words for this e-mail. But now
when I’m putting them down, I find myself blank. I’ve decided not to
beat around the bush, not to play with words and just be direct and to
the point.

It is over…everything we had for last one year. After having thought
about each and every little aspect of my and your life, I’ve finally
come up to the conclusion that there is no “us”. We are never going to
make a sound life together. We are too different to understand each
other. I’m writing this e-mail in all my senses and I take complete
responsibility of my words here. So please, do not take it as a joke
or something that I would declare afterwards, meaningless. I mean each
and every word of it.

If you ask me if I love you or not…I would say I never knew what love
was. I still do not know. And I guess, I do not believe in it. I
misunderstood, misjudged and misspelled my feelings for you, to be
love. It wasn’t love. I do not love you, U. I can never love you.

I tried to get along but you are not my kind and I am not yours. I can
never be happy with you which, would eventually make both of us
unhappy. There is no chance of us being together…so please let go and
try to forget me.
I suggest, you should agree to whatever your mother asks of you. She’d
be delighted and content, and so would you be. And mark my words…five
years from now, you’d be laughing over all this.

I just hope this time, for the first time in your life, you’d act
maturely. There is no use of running after me because let me assure
you that the more you’re going to run after me, the more I’m going to
run away from you. I hope you’d understand me this time and will not
create any problem for me or for yourself.

Please, do not try to find me or contact or do anything stupid. This
would be the only thing I’d ask from you, in return of whatever good
I’ve ever been to you. I’ve already had enough and now I want peace in
my life. And you’re going to ruin it if you try anything stupid. Plus,
you’re not going to change my mind or for that matter, change anything
by trying to contact me or being persistent.

U, at last I would once again tell you…it is over! And I want to
be very clear in this regard. There is nothing left between us. I do
not have anything in my heart. All of my feelings have vanished or
faded away.

I do not regret anything that I wrote in this e-mail. I mean it. I’m
not angry or mad at you. I’m very cool and calm at the moment. I
wanted to do it on phone. But I have experienced it earlier as
well…that you were never going to listen to me and you’d have created
more problems for me, that way. So I decided to do this via e-mail.
I am not sure about what your reaction would be…but I just want to let
you know, that WHATSO EVER your reaction may be, it is not going to
change my decision or my mind. So please save both of us, the trouble
and get along with it.

I hope, this time you prove me wrong by acting maturely and respectfully.
I wish you best of luck and health. May you get well soon and do
excellent in your studies. Take good care of your health and your
family. And stay happy and busy.

I’m not yours. I will never be. I am no more there and I will never be.

I’m gone.

The sooner you accept it, the better for you.

In the end, I will thank you for all your time, your energy, your
favors …your gifts.
Thank you very much.

And also, I am very sorry for all the hurts and wrongs. I know how
hurt you must be at the moment, but inshAllah you’re going to sail
through. I hope you’re able to forgive me someday.

I cannot give you anything else.

So that’s it.

Goodbye U.

---



 

O emailed me this today. Sigh, need not to say more :) I've learned one thing for sure today, somethings just happen, for a reason which couldn't be foreseen.

Goodbye, O.
-U.

Love - a temporary madness..

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. 

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Starry, starry night.

I woke up with an image in my head this morning from a dream that I had. Basically, the dream involved me being smashed into rocks by huge swell near some beach house. Yet I wasn't experiencing it from in the water, I was watching myself from a distance with a strange sense of detachment and a feeling that was more akin to curiosity than horror.It was all very romantic (in the art-history sense). Very dark.

It's part of what I'd call a week of truly weird dreams, and there's no drugs to blame. Or cheese.

Anyway, I felt like painting so I did a quick oil sketch of it. Very quick.

Anyhow, it's a very boring weekend. I got no homework, no party plans and worst of all, no O to talk to since he's at work even on sunday - i hate air force!

Have a happy sunday, guys! xoxo

Smokin' Hottie - Ian Somerhalder

I'm not saying I have kidnapped Ian Somerhalder and hidden him in the crawl space where I can get lost in his eyes whenever I damn well please. But I am saying that if Somerhalder disappears in the immediate future this conversation never happened :p

Street Crime - Me A Victim!

Who hasn’t heard of mobile snatching in Pakistan? It’s a very common issue and thus, nobody pays much attention to it now. I was thankful to Allah that I haven’t been a victim to this barbarian act until yesterday, but, what happened yesterday morning was horrifying and outrageous.

It was around 9 in the morn, I along with some of my girls parked our car and started heading towards our university gate, when God knows from where and why these two scary men jumped in front of us with bronze metal (read: gun) in their hands. I was numb at that moment, didn’t know how to react or what to do. The bastard twisted my wrist and asked me for my phone and cash – Me being stupid enough, lied that I don’t carry one. He hit that metallic thing hard on my hand – How could they be so opprobrious. I gave him all I had, cellular phone and cash. It all took hardly 3 minutes time and they rode off. The worst part was, our security officers were in the vicinity and they could see very clearly what was happening but they chose to overlook it, amazing, isn’t it?

We rushed to the administration, my hand bleeding then. But, strange was their reply. They’re not responsible since it happened outside the premises, wow! Now, who to blame? The security guards who stood there and laughed at us, the admin or our poor land of pure.

Irony!

Every now and then ..

..I think "prayers" bestowed out of "concern" cleverly conceal 

a hidden intent of manipulation and control. I'm not ungrateful, just a tad leery.

...I wonder about motives especially when they’re under the guise of goodwill.

…I wonder why people rarely say exactly what they want...

I'll admit I’m guilty of this at times.

...I can't help but think some "suggestions" are a passive-aggressive way of saying I'm flawed in some way. Cookie cutter I'm not, so deal with it. While my intentions are genuinely good 98.8% of the time, sometimes they’re misunderstood. Not a good feeling, but I realize it takes a willingness to communicate to correct or clarify a situation. Lesson learned for the umpteenth time.

...I find it interesting how my darkest days were filled with isolation and the need for a compassionate listening ear yet the phone rarely buzzed. Unsolicited advice and offers to "help" abound when not needed though. Perhaps that says more about me than anyone else.

My thoughts should mirror my heart, but it seems they're going 

through a period of irreconcilable differences.

WW- Always Never Sure ..

Living is a form of not being sure,

not knowing what next or how…



We guess. We may be wrong,

but we take leap after leap in the dark.

- Agnes de Mille (1909 - 1993)

I miss blogging ..

Hey guys ..

Okay, i know i have been away for really a longgg time now. Grr! Lately, my college is being a real bitch and seriously i am left with no time. Man, i seriously miss you guys :( Esp Scribbling girl, Reenie, Dipti, Blasphemous, Zee, Sidraas, Ubaid, Mehreen..

But yeah, I promise to come back again, very sooon :) with some romanticism and mush <3
Love.
- Nostalgic.  

A cloud on the skyline ..

To,

The sunshine of my life.

It's all relative - feelings, emotions, words, strengths, weaknesses. Sense of association has always been missing from my plate. I've mastered the art of being alone in a crowd, indifferent to sounds, noise, movement, beauty, warmth and fear. The world I've lived in has been so small that I could always indulge myself in wandering all around, again and again, a thousand times, whenever I would need to escape. Streamlining the events that had took place throughout the journey, has never been easy, still I never gave up. Why would I always try to restart my life, every time it crashes? Why wouldn’t I try to find out why it crashed, in the first place? I’ve always been in search of answer to this question, but in vain.

Presence – some people cannot see it. Others might not feel it. Some others can do both. I am another kind. I could see it, feel it but could never believe in it. Colors of relationships, colors of feelings and colors of belongingness are so vivid around us, and I’ve always been color blind. I could never put aside the like ones; they seemed all the same to me. How could I pick one?

Sight – the art of seeing is in neither getting too close nor getting too far from the object. This, I got to learn much later in my life, when I had already turned my back to the sights that could complete the scenery of my life. Yes, now if I look at it, I find centers of incompleteness, unfinished corners and spilled colors.

Belief – I’ve always been a crawling reader, not because I couldn’t read, but because I couldn’t believe. Words always sound confusing to me. I prefer reading sounds. I’d run around an object, trying to find its shadow, just because I couldn’t believe in its existence, alone.

I’ve been stepping back…away from you, because I couldn’t believe in your presence. And it’s only now that I can see you clearly because earlier I’ve been too close to see you…

…and you’re so beautiful.

Your smile is like a shower of content. It’s so bright. It has lit my world.

Keep shining up there as I find my own self. You are the only mirror I can see myself in.

So, look at me, and help me listen to your eyes. Hold my hand and take me back to our home. Take off my shoes, and let me rest my head in your lap. Run your fingers in my hair…till I go to sleep.

…for I’m ready.

So, hold my hand and take me back to our home.

- your's O.

Now that you're gone ..

Now that you’re gone,

Life is like a barren piece of land,

Unkempt and unattended for,

Overgrown with tall grass,

Which holds neither beauty nor meaning.

Now that you’re gone,

Happiness is like an empty feeling of elation,

Unwanted and uncared for,

Coupled with hollow laughter,

Which brings neither joy nor relief.

Now that you’re gone,

Sorrow is like a vast dark cloud,

Hovering and hanging over,

Coupled with racking sobs,

Which attend to neither grief nor do they relieve.

Now that you’re gone,

Hopes and dreams are like distant objects,

No longer remembered and wished for,

Covered with a heavy cloth,

Neither to be lifted nor moved again.

WW- Wisdom in the Distance..

The foolish man seeks happiness
in the distance, 
the wise grows it under his feet.

- James Oppenheim

Love is ..

Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones.

Love is like a piece of artwork in the works; if you are not satisfied, you keep on beautifying it until it becomes very wonderful.

Love is as much of an object as an obsession, everybody wants it, but few ever achieve it. Those who do will cherish it, be lost in it, and among all will never forget it.

Love is a powerful addiction for the human soul. Even people that have not experienced it, yearn for the chance to give and receive it from someone special.

Love is one powerful host -- A force less energy that makes all light spin. It spins our hearts. It spins our minds. How we balance ourselves to this sudden chaos and crazy motion is our own fine line.

Love is like a wonderful feeling of compassion and satisfaction. It should be given respect and trust; and it should receive that love back!

Love is when the things you detest, you become in love with. And, when your views are wrong the one who you love will hear you out and understand you.

Love is composed of a singe soul inhabiting two bodies.

My love is all I have to give with out you I don't think I could live and I wish could give the world to you, but my love is all I have to give.

I could be the one

Give you all my love

Forget what he has done to you

I'm here now

Open up to me

Love will set you free

If ever you believe it

Please believe in me..