Happy Birthday, Mom♥

Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday , Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday to you.

I find myself wondering...
Did I give you your due..
For all that you've done for me
Did I ever thank you?

For all of my childhood memories
For helping me deal with life's stresses
For helping me accept my defeats
And celebrate my successes?

Or for teaching me the value of hard work,
Good judgement, courage, and being true
The laughter, smiles, and quiet times we've shared
Did I ever thank you?

If I have forgotten, I'm thanking you now
You taught me right from wrong...
I hope you know how much you're loved and appreciated
I hope you, instinctively, knew all along.

Happy Birthday, Mom♥

Your birthday; a time for warm thoughts and fond memories. For expressing the feelings and words that often go unspoken, for letting you, the special person in my life know that you are loved and appreciated - always. No words can define how much love and respect I hold for you, Mom.
Your presence completes me!

Tranquil..

When we are unable to find tranquility

within ourselves,

it is useless to seek it elsewhere ..

-Francois de La Rochefoucauld

The moment is NOW!

Whilst 'children' and 'young adults' may be a master of none at this point, we still percieve our lives to be rich and happy. By 30 if you dont have a career, it seems that you are lacking in life. At 15 we are already stereotyping our lives to be school, high school, university, job, marriage, children, retirement, death; and i don't want to have to live my life around the same stage layout that everyone thinks we have to. I may wish to be a flower child and yes i may be a free spirited being, but i do not think that having the ambition and aspiration to become something more than myself is neccesserally such a bad thing? By being more than myself, i mean i don't want to just be 'me' infact i want to be 'her' someone people notice when i walk by 'thats her' or 'thats the girl i was talking about' - i dont just want to be me.

I cant stand these men that are sexist against women as they think they are inferior either!

I live for today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month. Nike once said 'yesterday you said tomorrow, get on with it!' and thats the exact same mentality i behold. Tomorrow never comes and yesterday is always gone. Whilst old memories are great to chat about, the best memories are the ones that are to come - without planning and simply well... just happen.



Love. Life. Peace !

WW-IV

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea..


..that life is serious.

The little devil ..

So today, was a bad bad day! I went to my cousin's kinder garden to pick her, there I encountered this devil-in-an-angel-disguise kiddo. I was intrigued to see how he was surrounded by many little princesses yet he was very much busy showing them his menly-attitude. He was a veryyy cute blue-eyed 4 years old, hopping around in the garden. Unfortunately, my love for these cute lil creatures led me to him and as I bend to give him a peck on his tomato-like-red cheeks, you guys won't imagine what he did; he ran into me with such force as if he were some 25 year old man, pushed me so hard until my head bumped into the ground =/ .. *Ouuch, regained my consciousness* and he was nowhere to be found. Sneaky kid!

The most annoying kids in the playground are the sneaky, whiny ones. The ones who can't stand seeing any good happen to anyone else, who want to be the first on every slide and who secretly wish people who look like they're having fun on the swings would fall off and break a bone or two. They're the ones who snicker when other kids fall in the mud, instead of lending a hand. Often, these are also the do-gooder-teacher's-pets who suck-up to anyone and everyone in authority because they know something good will come out of it for them in-the-end. These are not the stupid kids, mind you, they may just be the amongst the sharpest. They cannot, however, use thier ample brains to anything aside from their own advantage. They cheat whenever they know they cannot get caught. They wouldn't think twice about breaking a promise, telling tales (truth is really immaterial) or selling their soul to further their own cause. And when it comes to their peers, these kids honestly think they're so-much-better than the rest because they also know enough to know who to blame it on if the going gets rough. They're the ones who walk off smelling of roses when the rest of the gang gets into shit.. I'm pretty sure this devil would be one of these in near future.

God, I swear I'm going to smack his face harrrdd, if he ever surfaces my path!

If I could explain ..

My heart is completely occupied by his thoughts, all the times, I don't remember when was the last time I had him off my mind. Maybe, sometime even GOD gets amazed to see how much Ipraise him, he is like, my butterfly, or maybe more than that, but i think butterfly is something that takes your heart away, easily... When he talks to me, i feel like he just keeeeeeeps on talking and just that I love the way I can talk to him, approach him, spill my mind and heart out to him and still know that he will love me the same way, forever. It is always fine. I am easily emotionally blackmailed and so is he.Guess what, O?! I love the way we can be on different wave-lengths, and still be so communicated.
I never have to look away or keep a thing inside. You are so amiable in your loving friendship.
Tears fill my eyes when you're upset with me or even worse, disappointed. Or when you just don't care. I know in my heart you will do what's right, you know how to tame me. Well, mostly at least!
Material things will never matter as long as I have you.

You make every day that passes so much easier to get through, its like as if you are my angel. Guiding me along the path, the path to you. The path to both of us.

My worries disappear when you're around, no pain, no agony. No thoughts of ambivalence or doubt. I feel your love when you hold me close to yourself, with the way you call out my name. With the way you say “Baby” ..

I don't care what they are talking about, I don’t care what they feel or think. All I have learnt to ever care for is my selfish own self. And well now, all I care for is you. I love you for everything that you are, and well I'll love you for what you will become.

My addiction to self analysis will never go away. No matter how stubborn like my father says I am, my brain did not get swapped. Even if it DID, its MY brain now!
How do I know I love you?
A simple question, whose answer I could complicate well beyond my own virtuoso comprehension. More answers than we have kisses. With more reasons than the time you have to hear me out. Your smile makes me wish for immortality, that crazily contagious beast of glee. If only to see it over and over for always till death do us apart.
Being in your presence is being myself. I feel no need of defenses, or walls. A meeting with no pretense and need for impressions.

What a hollow pride I have started to live in. Things are not as certain as I have come to feel. Still a long way to go, to come. I can not slack off, not till you sleep beside me every night.

Too much at stake to keep loosing my lid at … These minutes spent without you, tick by slower than years, but that sweet promise of yours, brings a secret smile and a calm assurance to my mind. Then this reassurance flooded to the rim with memories that leave a delicious craving all over my mind.

The way you look at me, with those hope filled eyes. Those dark brown stars of mine that send shivers down my spine, and back up my ass. Really. The way our gazes touch. The way you look at my eyes and as I trace your every detail with mine. With my finger tips.
They call it missing a beat. I call it demodulation of love, into lust.
I am stronger because of you here and yet weaker all at once. I would not trade this sweet vulnerability, this sacred opening to everything I am, for anything. Its just as I like it. Its perfect. You are perfect. Flawless!
I willingly offer it, my whole domain to you. What ever is mine, is yours, is ours.

I have begun to think of you as an extension of my own self. As someone that compliments me to utter bliss. Two beautiful pieces. Now joined into one. Not just beautiful. But destined - Fated.

Autopsy-ed ; Provoked ;Touched under a lime light moon. Kissed, a peck, in a dark enchanted forest ;Tasted at a lake.
What promises do I hold? To never stop loving you. To never leave unless I was asked to by your heart.
To never leave the car and mortgaged home.To never leave.And so when you ask me if I love you, your voice hushed by the lateness of the hour, that sweet intoxicating curiosity touched with wonder. How it is that I know?It is easy to answer you now, love.

It is because my soul smiles at my heart when it hears my tongue saying it.
Rather Biological.
Purely Biological.

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE EVER LOVED MYSELF, do you know that?!

Be Yourself

This is a guest post from me, a friend of Nostalgic, she don't know, but this is a surprise for her, tadaaaa :D

Take my hand, someday you'll understand; that this life is so simple.
Kill all your friends, only then will I find happiness. Bleed it black.
In this god forsaken world, this hell hole, I am alone.
Things will change in your life, no matter how fucking hard you try to stop them.

Tell yourself that you won't fall in love, that you won't ever do that, that its below you. But what do you say after its happened. You make the excuses, it's not my fault, it just happened.

Nobody embraces anything anymore, nobody grabs onto the moment and squeezes every single drop of life out of it anymore and I want to know why.

We don't spend a very long time on this planet in the long run, there is no time to regret, no time to be confused, make your mind up where you stand, and if you can't then forget about it all. No one is tying you down to any convention, as scary as your peers & parents are they are not the be all and end all of all that will happen to you.
Don't be afraid to go out there and change the world. God knows that it needs it.

Get out there and put your own personal imprint on the world, on other people and more importantly, on yourself. Do yourself a favor and pick something to do that you've wanted to do for a while but put it of for some reason or another.

You were scared, you couldn't really be bothered. You couldn't afford it. Just do me and you one big favor and suck it up and go do it, go ask out that girl that you've been looking at, go to that place that you couldn't afford, do something
that you wanted to do but your parents didn't want you to.

Smoke, get drunk, have fun. For my sake don't fall into the trap of staying in one moment, in one mindset, in one opinion.

Who are you?


You are whatever you want to be from minute to minute. You can change your mind if you want to, after all its your opinion and no one else s.

Don't question yourself.

I'll tell you now honestly, that you are perfect just the way you are. You don't need anybody to lead you or validate your existence.

You are as beautiful as anything you want to be.

You are as smart as you can imagine.

Don't let the constrictions of common thought society tie you down.

Don't let it restrict your dreams or ideas.

They are yours and you can grow them how you want. Your life is your garden. Make it look beautiful.

Sometimes the written word holds more than the page can contain.

WW-III

No matter how different we could be..



.. friendship binds us together.

Says about me - Tags!

So, here it goes. I've been tagged by a fellow blogger. All of you, do take it up!


Ten How's:

1. How did you get one of your scars? From a broken relationship.
2. How did you celebrate your last birthday? I was with O, the whole day :)
3. How are you feeling at this moment? Cold. I swearr, I hate this seasonal flu =/
4. How did your night go last night? Tiring. Had a cousin's wedding.
5. How did you do in high school? I was an average student, a fantastic party-thrower and an out standing debater =) so yeah, I did pretty well.
6. How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? I bought it last winter
7. How often do you see your best friend(s)? I don't have any best friends in particular. Its just O, and I see him in ages :(
8. How much money did you spend last month? Not much. *relief*
9. How old do you want to be when you get married? Between 21-25
10. How old will you be at your next birthday? Nineteen


Nine What's:


1. Your mothers name? Why do you ask?!
2. What did you do last weekend? I slept through probably
3. What is the most important part of your life? Family and O.
4. What would you rather be doing? Having O in my life, for the rest of my days and nights.
5. What did you last cry over? Fear of losing him.
6. What always makes you feel better when you’re upset? I talk to O, or if he's not there, I cry and that helps a lot
7. What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other? I'm looking forward to a peaceful life with him.
8. What are you worried about? Getting into some good business institution
9. What did you have for breakfast? I woke up at 2 pm today =D so yeah, Mommy refused to give me any!


Eight You's:


1. Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend? Ermm, Y-E-A-H! But that was a random crush, nothing serious.
2. Have you ever had your heartbroken? Yes, a severe one.
3. Have you ever been out of the country? Yes, plenty of times
4. Have you ever done something outrageously dumb? Haha, of course.
5. Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend? Yes, this word holds no meaning for me, now.
6. Have you ever had sex on the beach? NO! Not yet =p ..
7. Have you ever dated someone younger than you? Not a good idea for me.
8. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? Many times. Latest being "Eleven Minutes" by Paulo Coelho.


Seven Who's:

1. Who was the last person you saw? Mom, yelling at my maid.
2. Who was the last person you texted? Him.
3. Who was the last person you hung out with? Sister.
4. Who was the last person to call you? Him, he just slept over call. Cute, aint it ;) ??!
5. Who did you last hug? A friend.
6. Who is the last person who texted you? A friend.
7. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? Him, of course.


Six Where's:

1. Where does your best friend(s) live? Far away :( ..
2. Where did you last go? Wedding of a cousin-sister. It was hell boring! =/
3. Where did you last hang out? Shopping, I guess
4. Where do you go to school? I went to 2 schools. In Karachi
5. Where is your favorite place to be? Home and where ever he takes me
6. Where did you sleep last night? On sofa, in our lounge. There was a cock-roach in my room :(


Five Do's :

1. Do you think anyone likes you? Many must =p
2. Do you ever wish you were someone else? No! Just a little tall.
3. Do you know the muffin man? No, whose he?
4. Does the future scare you? Yes. :(
5. Do your parents know about your blog? Yes


Four Why's :

1. Why are you best friends with your best friend? I don't have friends except O. And that's cause he deserves the best of me, I suppose.
2. Why did you get into Blogging? I have been writing since I was 7, so yeah, I found bloggers pretty compatible.
3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? Probably cause they want me to reach 'the heights' in my life.
4. Why are you doing this survey? Vacationss.


Three If's:

1. If you could have one super power what would it be? It would be to read minds.
2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? Yes, I would change what kinda life I've been living before O came and transformed me into a better woman.
3. If you were stranded on a deserted island and could bring 1 thing, what would you bring? My Cellular phone


Two Would-You-Ever's :

1. Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you? No.
2. Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love? From death, then, may be.


One Last Question

1. Are you happy with your life right now? Yes, I am really satisfied and content with my life. Plus, he makes it even more beautiful =) ..

Wondering 'bout paradise ..

Is there really such a place as paradise? or should we consider paradise maybe to be a state in which we are for a few seconds of our lives? or should we contemplate what is meant by paradise in the sense of it meaning the complete opposite to it is currently known. (if that makes sense)

Well, I do believe in paradise because I don’t think this infamous always - found but never reached 'place' comes around that easily. You know that old withered thing in the corner of your room called a 'dictionary' says paradise is the Garden of Eden in religion, an abode of eternal peace e.g. heaven, a place of true beauty and a state of freedom and carelessness -why I question if we haven’t been getting the meaning of paradise to be a place.


Take this scenario - an overworked middle aged women finally gets the honeymoon she couldn’t afford when her and her husband first eloped, sitting on a beach much like the one above says 'ah this is paradise'... but when you think is it really paradise? When the honeymoon is over she will fly away from this 'paradise' and will return to the daily grind of work itself, bills will still come flooding in and money will still remain budgeted - so in this sense i find paradise to be a state that will not last but is here and right now in the moment.

Lovers paradise is a completely different thing however! Lovers paradise is something that brings us a warm fuzzy feeling inside where butterflies and rollercoaster dips and dives all roll into one massive feeling for someone that you arent sure likes you or not... you think probably not.

So why do we perceive paradise to be a place rather than a feeling? Personally i think paradise is a feeling of true ecstasy, think about this idea:

Paradise is always where we want to be, tomorrow - but we can never reach 'tomorrow' because the 'tomorrow' you wanted... is today!

Cranky bitchi'ness ..

I've just figured that love isnt always both ways - maybe you dont like the same person that likes you... need some good lines to say 'no' to that boy thays buggin you?
Here you go, my princesses ..

Boy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: Hiding from you.


Boy: Haven’t I seen you some place before? Girl: Yes- that’s why I don’t go there anymore.


Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.

Man: Hey baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: I’d go through anything for you. Woman: Good! Then you can start by going through the door.

Man: How did you get to be so beautiful? Woman: I must have been given your share.


Man: Go on, don’t be shy. Ask me out. Woman: OK, get out.


Man:I think I could make you very happy. Woman:Why? Are you leaving?


Man:What would you say if I asked you to marry me? Woman: Nothing. I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

Cheers <3

But no, I'm happy.

I feel so disgusting at the moment. So badly disgraced and debased. And guess by whom? No one but 'HIM' , yes guys, its no other than O ; I don't understand what gets into him at times (most of the times). He's a sweetheart but there's a completely different and obnoxious man inside him who often gets over and rips my soul apart.

Sometimes I wonder no matter how much I take care of him, no matter how much I ignore his rude/ degrading comments, he would never understand I do it just cause I've so much love for him and that he should at least be polite with me rather than throwing those sarcastic comments in a very strident tone. Or God has created every men on the face of this planet with no heart to understand? Do all of them take women for granted?

.. I am completely out of words. I know this post is going nowhere but its the only place who listens to me, bears up with all my mood swings. He would never listen to me, jab k he knows how much excited I'am to tell him about my day, about how different I felt about him today, he would just give me 'Baby, neend arahi hay'.
Let me pen down our conversation which has just ended;

Me: Baby, you know what? I wanted to tell you this thing for so long but since you were busy with work I had been waiting for the right time.

Him : Hm?

Me: I took out astagkhara ( A sacred thing, Muslims believe its one way to ask Allah what's better for us or what way to choose) for our relationship and guess what? Its a YESSS!

Him : I don't believe in it.

..another long discussion went on.

Me: Thats okay if you don't believe it. I do. Yeaay, I'm so happy.

*silence*

Me: Babyyy?

HIm : mm..

Me: say something naaa!

HIm : neend arahi hay. Goodnight.

..and we hang up!

No place for my excitements, my laughters. I feel like a looser. Hurt badly, turned down once again. But its okay, I am still happy for I have him by my side.

Sigh-

Numb.

So life is a bit manic at the moment, so for anyone who just knows what it's like to feel well a bit indescribable I thought I'd share a poem I wrote which tries to find the optimism in life.



A scattered heart sailed off to sea
to find a better part of me
Thoughts and dreams were left revealed
commotion should have stayed concealed
Once opened, it should have shut
clouds floating should stay put
Lingering trails across a mind
pieces left too hard to find
Optimism may lead me astray
but maybe 'It'll get better' starts today.

Wordless wednesday-II

Broken..


.. yet survived.

Why we love men ..

I was browsing the other day when I came across the following excerpt. Nowadays, women are looking for reasons to fall for the opposite sex, and that's a fact!
I made a list on what my research says;

We love men because they can’t fake an orgasm, even if they wanted to.

Because they will never understand us, yet even so they go on trying.

Because they still manage to see our beauty, even when we ourselves no longer believe it.

Because they understand equations, politics, maths and economics, but not the feminine heart.

Because they are lovers who only rest when we have had (or pretend to have had) pleasure.

Because they manage to raise sport to something bordering on religion.

Because they are never afraid of the dark.

Because they insist on fixing things that are beyond their capacity, and dedicate themselves to this with the same enthusiasm as an adolescent, and get frustrated when they don’t succeed.

Because they are like pomegranates: most of them is impossible to digest, but the seeds are delicious.

Because they never comment on what the neighbors might think.

Because we always know what they are thinking, and when they open their mouth they say exactly what we imagined they would.

Because they never dreamed of torturing themselves wearing high heels.

Because they love to explore our body and conquer our soul.

Because a 14-year-old girl can leave them speechless, and a 25-year-old woman can tame them quite effortlessly.

Because they are always attracted by extremes: the opulent or the ascetic, warriors or monks, artists or generals.

Because they do absolutely everything possible to try to hide their weaknesses.

Because a man’s biggest fear is not being a man (it never crosses a woman’s mind not to be a woman).

Because they always eat everything on their plate, and don’t feel guilty about it.

Because they take great delight in completely uninteresting matters, such as what happened at work, or different makes of automobiles.

Because they have shoulders where we can rest our heads and sleep without much effort.

Because they are at peace with their bodies, except for small, insignificant things like growing bald and getting fat.

Because they are incredibly courageous in front of insects.

Because they never lie about their age.

Because despite everything they try to demonstrate, they can’t live without a woman.

Because when we tell one of them “I love you”, they always ask us to explain exactly how.

As funny as this may sound, dont we all just make ourselves believe in that which is so non-existent? where there are easier ways to come to terms with the fact that not everyone has what you are looking for and yet the agony.

Never the less, the above list is a woman’s compilation. It is worth a look by men folk, who cant keep a relationship going. Words are sweet but actions are sweeter. I have one theory or philosophy, however you may like to put it. I think that men and women will love or fall in love with each other if they come out as themselves and not be something which they arent. Because at the end of the end, the temporary fades and the Real Self surfaces. I would love my man for the man he is and what makes him, him, rather than what makes him Tom Cruise or Jim Carrey. Life is not a bed of roses or pointers. I would love my man to do a lot of things, but I will love him for not going there where he should not go and please me for some moments. I am hanging onto forever rather today , this moment or now. I am falling deeper and deeper for him, with no 'ifs' and 'buts' involved.

Every Cloud ..

.. has a silver lining.


Sometimes, you just need to look a little harder to find it.

Based on recent events in my corner, however, I think I'll be looking for a while yet.

Hopeless.

Did you know that by law, Muslims cannot be appointed as sweepers in the land of the pure? This interesting titbit - that I almost forgot to share - I found in an article in Thursday's edition of the Daily Times, Karachi page. It's amazing how a land created (or-so-the-fairy-tale-tells-us) to escape religious persecution and discrimination is so hell bent on practicing just that in every single possible way. It's disturbing how, on so many levels, these practices are so blatantly 'wrong' that they serve only to stamp in yet another nail into a coffin already closed so tight the corpse within would have asphyxiated by now - were it not for the fact that it is already dead.

I really wonder if I've lost all hope. And on dark days, I fear that I truly have.

Wordless Wednesday-

If I could get my hands on all the pinks ..
















.. i would be a 'Divaaa' . Sigh-

Imissthee, love.

I stand under an overcast sky, trying to strike a chord as the droplets lick down my face. The wind flapping at my shirt and the water that trickles down my body and the sky getting all black. I realized, I have started missing him, so much more.. his absence feels so strong at times like these. I wish if I could fly to him, somehow. The want for closeness arrests me. Unknowingly, unwillingly, I am drawn to him. Addicted to him. I miss you, O. How cliche, right? I know =/ but that's how I feel .. completely occupied by his thoughts, memories of the bygone days we have had spent together.



As the droplets touch my skin; I wonder if you were here, you would have ..

taken me out .. for you know, how much I love rain!

gotten wet with me .. danced with me. One of my fantasies =p

lifted me off my feet.. such that I could see myself in your hazel eyes and let the world be jealous!

let me lose control ..


Ah, I have so much to look forward to .. in all the seasons :) Feels like, every atom in my body is craving for your presence, for your strong arms to hold me close. To take me away, somewhere I have never been before. Where I could see 'US' onlyyyy. I miss you a lot,O.. if I could grab you out of my thoughts, I would have done it right now. Come back soon, baby.

Too much mush in one post, yeah? I could see that =/ ..